As humans, we are very sentimental people. We have "feelings". This is normal, we smile, cry, worry, laugh,etc. it's the way we're supposed to be. However, the problem comes in when we let these emotions control us. It makes us irrational, robs us of our logic and clarity of thought. Sadly, it's those who we care about and love the most that are often at the receiving end of our fluctuating emotions.
This is something that has always bothered me,how would someone claim to be my friend if when he/she is moody they take it out on me. Well, I came across someone who said something clever about this issue, He said, "Sometimes, your loved ones don't need you to understand what they're going through, they just need you to take all the 'heat" they bring down on you." This makes sense -- in theory, but fails to materialise in real life because everyone has something they're going through, so who's to decide who should do the venting and who should just stand there taking all the heat. Also, this strategy isn't one that works. Primarily because it has been proven that pent up anger is always a catalyst for chaos. So today, I'm gonna offer a different take on this issue, which I call "Emotional Sacrifice."
Before I proceed, I need to make this clear-- like every other solution, this one is not a "magical answer to all questions". It doesn't work automatically and will be a lot harder if you have temper issues. With that cleared, on to the sacrificing and what not.
Emotional Sacrifice is a concept of prioritising your emotional outbursts to keep the most important people to you out of the cross-hairs. *crickets chirping* .. Okay, okay so it's not that cut and dry but that's the general idea. Allow me to instantiate.. *oops I forgot I'm not programming*. Allow me to expatiate. You know how when you're out in public, or in front of really important people (e.g your boss, distant family, etc.), you tend to be able to keep your emotions in check at work and wait till you get home to do all your venting? well emotional sacrifice is all about reversing that procession, such that you keep your emotions in check at home and with your loved ones and then vent somewhere else. However, this seems impractical too. So this is where the sacrifice part of it comes in. Having established the fact that we cant vent in front of our bosses or other important people, to avoid unemployment, etc. and that we also shouldn't vent on our family or loved ones, then the only logical thing left to do is to sacrifice that feeling of "satisfaction" you get from giving a "piece" of your mind and wait till a more suitable time to share your feelings when things aren't as tense.
To be able to do this properly, you need the following:
> Activities that calm you down
> A ton of self control.
This is the tricky part. You have to find something to do that would actually calm you down when you're angry. From the research I carried out for this post, most people do this by going to a quiet place alone to cool down.. A more suspicious response I got was to think happy thoughts. Some people bury it in video games, ice cream etc. Whatever works for you, you need to find it. The self control part is pretty much self explanatory.
Finally, you need to remember this is going to be one of the harder things to do as letting go of anger is naturally very difficult for most people. But if you keep trying hard, your loved ones would benefit greatly from the new you and you can actually spend more of your time justifying the "loved" part of loved ones rather than yell at them all the time. Till next time, keep calm, smile and wave :).
Let me hear what you think in the comments.